I hate the way mormons talk.

Now let me explain this before you think that I am being sarcastic and making fun of my many mormon friends and family members. That is not the case. This is something that drives me crazy about my culture and it is a way I refuse to speak. Let me provide an example:

"X, Y, and Z is so hard right now, I must have really asked for this kind of trial in the pre-existence."

"Heavenly Father must really be punishing me for my stubbornness because of this really terrible thing that happened."

"I must really need to learn something during this mortal life because "fill in the blank" (I don't have enough money, I'm divorced, my job sucks, my kids don't go to church, I'm fat, my car broke, etc)."

"The adversary must really be out to get me because of X, Y and Z."

And then start the tears.

So here is my problem with all of this. When people say this they are absolving their own free agency and choices that put them in the problem they are in. Things aren't hard because you asked for it in the pre-mortal existence (a phrase in the mormon church that is tossed around to define "pre-earth" times.) Your access to money or lack of money has nothing to do with God's will. Your children's choices are a product of their own mind, their teachings from the parent and the influence of their friends.

Regardless of belief in God/s, your choices are your own. The decisions you make have consequences. Period. If I don't keep up on the maintenance in my car and it craps out on me on the way to church, it isn't Satan breaking my car. It is my fault for not doing the work to keep it running. If people at work, who also have their own free agency, are douche-bags and treat their co-workers like shit, it isn't God who is trying you. He didn't give you shitty co-workers. They have their own free agency to act like jerks.

If things suck it is your job to make things happen so they get better. It isn't your job to bitch and moan about this God who is making your life miserable. Or to cry because that same god provided you with an amazing husband and children. Use some of that joy you find in your family and make things happen in other areas of your life.

God didn't make my knee get injured. But you better believe my God is watching how I take this challenge and live through it. He wants to see me take mortality and succeed, not blame hardship on others (Himself and Satan included).

Life's hard. Own it. Own your mistakes and if you are unhappy, step it up and help yourself.

Rant over.

Feeling Blah

I just finished out a week where I changed out of my pajamas three times. In all seven days. I am not sick, I am not running a fever and I am not pregnant. I just don't care right now.

I know part of it is I feel like a fatty. I haven't been able to run as much as I want to and haven't since September. So my butt is twice the size it should be.And my belly hangs over my jean tops when I sit. Which makes me feel like a fatty.

On top of that the marathon is this Sunday and I desperately want to be running it and I just can't. I am running the half marathon and I should be grateful to run that, but I am having problems mustering up my feel good thoughts on the change. Which you are probably thinking- Fat? Really? You are running a half marathon, you can't be fat! Seriously people, go out to your next half marathon and watch the runners out there. You don't have to be skinny to run a half marathon (or marathon for that matter).

I am going to whine a little more, so deal with it. My skin has reverted to the state is resided in whilst I was in middle school. This means it is an acne mess. I can't keep up with the house right now, and I just don't care. I want to go outside, but it has been cloudy and rainy for weeks, and it is cold. I know you people who live in cold climates will say stuff like- oh it is so cold here at XXX, 45 and cloudy and rainy is Austin sounds like heaven. I used to think that way, and then I moved to heaven- so I have a right to complain about the weather when I have put up with 4+ weeks of cloudy drizzle. I moved out of Michigan because I hated that kind of weather.

Also, Adam is working a lot. I knew these weeks were going to be hard, leading up to GDC in San Fran. But I go a little crazy during it. Actually I just get lonely. I think I spend more time talking to my dogs or running alone than actually talking to people. It wouldn't be so bad but a bunch of my friends are pregnant and in the early stages (aka puking everywhere) and I am not really interested in talking right now anyways.

Okay I am done whining so you guys can go back to your regular programming now.

"Where Are You?" ... asks Tara

Where am I?

Well I am alive :) and not too busy to condone the blatant disrespect I have been showing my blog. But whatever.

So quick update before I go shower...

1. The holidays were rough. Not in a emotional state of chaos rough- but in a "holy shit there are like 4 pugs and 13 people at my house and 5 of them are children, 2 of which were under 18 months." I didn't have time to blog. I didn't have time to think.

And as such I have been relishing in the peace of my household for the last three weeks. I am sure that is selfish, but I am still not caught up with the laundry. Do you know how many beds it takes to outfit that many people? Take that number and then multiply in the sheets, blankets and towels. And then pile them up. And then force yourself to wash it all. That's right, it sucks. But obviously I haven't been doing it all because I am still not done.

2. While the holidays were rough, they were also delightful. Here is a list of people who came:
-Cat, my little sister and best friend who currently goes to law school in NYC.
-Mom, she lives 4 hours north in Dallas. She also brought her two pugs.
-Jason, Channy, Camden, Asher, brother #4 (I am #5) and his amazing wife and her amazing kiddos. Which of course included my pseudo-son Camden. Who I miss every day. They drove in from Fresno the day after Asher had hernia surgery. They figured it was an easy way to keep the kid confined so he didn't hurt his stitches right after surgery. Asher is a bit crazy.
-Robert, Mary, Courtney, Brian, Nolan: brother #2 and his wife and family. Courtney is 11, Brian is 10 and Nolan is 6 weeks younger than Asher (who was born 9/2008). Courtney and Brian don't eat real food- keeping their diet more in line with corn dogs and mac n cheese- which made cooking and eating out in large groups difficult because the places had to have kids menus. But places with BBQ don't have kids menus with generic american fare on them... it stressed me out a bit.

So yeah- first huge family holiday at my house. I don't know if I will do it again... but maybe the stressful parts will wear off in time.

3. Cat stayed for three weeks and then went home on January 11th for her last semester of law school. I love my Cat.

4. Adam and I caught up on our movies... we saw Daybreakers, Avatar, Sherlock Holmes and Book of Eli... and I saw Nine with Cat (which sucked, in case you wanted to know). We still need to see Imaginarium and A Town Called Panic. We saw most of those in like 8 days. It was great.

5. Sebastian had his nose scoped at the specialty vet for his booger problem. The verdict? Apparently the idiot developed an allergy that affects his mucus production. I can get him an inhaler if it gets worse. We are just carrying tissues around to wipe the nasty goop from his face when he expels it after getting really excited.

It is preparing me for motherhood. I keep telling myself that.

6. Adam goes to Winnipeg on Thursday of this week to give a class-thing for the Winnipeg chamber of business people-thing. They are flying him in and paying him to talk about his company and iphone marketing/sales/development/etc. He gets to stay with our friends Alec and Chrissy while he is there and I am a weee bit jealous that he gets to see them. They are super cool.

7. I got cool stuff for Christmas! Adam got me an iphone and I get to go to NYC for Cat's spring break. I already got my tickets and I am so excited. We might take a trip to DC during that week too... via train. Val, if you read this, I will get back to you about the plans. I don't know where you live in relationship to the touristy places or how the public transit works but if we go to DC, I will let you know.

8. We bought a new dishwasher, stove and fridge for our kitchen. We hate our stove, our dishwasher is too loud (like SUPER loud), and our fridge doesn't fit the space well. We got a killer deal on the fridge (last years model! New in box!) and got a stove we love. The dishwasher looks like a part of a space ship. None of them have been delivered- I still have 6 days until they show up.

9. I am not running the marathon in February. I had to drop down to the half because of a weird knee soreness that is cropping up sometimes when I run. Instead of injuring myself running the marathon, I figured I would walk/run the two races since I am registered anyways. This is killing my ego- since I am indestructible, but whatever. I can always run the marathon again. It just won't crop up on Valentine's day for awhile.

10. I have a new calling at church with the young women's program. I am the personal progress person. I don't have any idea what I am supposed to do- but whatever. Eventually we will figure it out. I am also coaching young women's basketball. We won our first game and lost our second. The second game was pretty bad- I don't know what happened to my girls, because usually we Dominate. With a capital D.

11. I am not kidding- but I just heard my chinchilla fart. That pretty much just made my day.

I will try to keep up on this- but I am starting a new endeavor which will take up some time (assuming my Adam ever puts it together for me) but I may announce it here when it is up and running... if not, oh well :)

Counting down to 30

I was just reading the blog my friend from BYU keeps and she wrote the top 30 things she wants to do before she hits 30. I turn 30 on Feb 4, 2011.

That gives me 14 months, 25 days to accomplish 30 new things.

Here is my list of 30:

1. I want to pay off my school loans. I have two.
2. I've read the Book of Mormon once and I am 2/3rds done with the Doctrine and Covenants for the first time. I might as well add the bible to round out Mormon scripture.
3. I would like to go to Japan. There is a game industry event that takes place there in the fall. I want to go along with Adam if he goes.
4. I would like to run a 7 minute mile. That will involve a track and a clock, but I could totally do it.
5. I am going to finish my first manuscript. I don't care about getting it published, but if this story spends any more time in my head, I may go crazy.
6. I will finish landscaping my house. I have had a heck of a time getting things to grow over the past three years- but the soil is rehabbed (as evidenced by the weeds sprouting up in the right side of the yard), now I gotta get stuff growing.
7. I am going to learn to make a cheese cake that my lactose intolerant husband can eat. It's possible- it just may take some serious trial and error.
8. I am going to learn to sew well enough to make curtains for my house. Sewing is a skill I need to have anyways since I am SOOOOOO cheap.
9. I am going to learn to swim well enough that I can swim for 30 minutes straight.
10. I want to read 100 books in a year. That would work if I start on January 1st.



okay... I need to keep thinking of more. This is kind of hard. I go on all sorts of adventures or I do new things all the time. I will add to this as more ideas come to me.

Photos Share

So I promised photos and I thought I might as well include some from all the crazy... so in order from start to finish...

First up: Kelly's wedding in Colorado Springs


I haven't really edited these, but I think they are really fun!


The reception was a blast. There were a lot of people my age (25-35) to hang around with which made the dancing super fun. Plus, everyone knows that a wedding will rock so long as the bride a groom are having fun. Well Mike and Kelly were awesome!

Thanks for letting me hang out at your house and at all of your pre-wedding craziness Kelly! I love ya! Congrats guys on almost 2 months of marriage-hood.

60 Days Later

So I have been MIA from the blog since August 17. That was like 60 days ago. Two months exactly- tomorrow. I can assure you that time was NOT spent frolicking around my house, eating candy and watching the TV. Here's a rundown since Camden left:

1. Camden left. Taking with him his mom and brother. My mom also went home, which left us in an empty house.

2. About 4 days later, Adam went to Promjam in Phoenix. And I got the Sokol pugs. There are three Sokol pugs.

3. About 3 days after Adam got back, I went to Colorado Springs, Colorado for Kelly Whitacre's wedding. 5 days later, I came home.

4. 3 days after I got home, we had the first of our several September house guests show up. Mary Ann and Dan Genzer came for Labor Day weekend. Dan was interviewing for a transfer and they were both house hunting in case the transfer went through. They left Austin on the Wednesday after Labor Day. They came on the 4th and left on the 9th.

5. And the next day, Thursday (October 10), Alec Holowka of Marian, Papermoon and Aquaria fame showed up for Austin GDC.

6. On Saturday (October 12), Phil Fish showed up.

7. On Monday (October 14), Flashbang and Data Realms and David Whitlark arrived. (4 from Flashbang, 1 from Data Realms and David.) Adam's mom also calls to let me know that Dave, Adam's brother, backed out of the 7 day rafting trip in the Grand Canyon and wanted to know if I wanted to take his place. I said yes. I had 16 days to get all of my gear.

8. Just a heads up, I am now up to 8 guests, 2 pugs, 1 chinchilla and me and Adam.

9. On October 15, Tuesday, Austin GDC started. During GDC I took photos for Offworld and Tigsource. I was also the transportation and logistics czar. In the middle of all this, Sebastian ripped through Dan Tabar's bag and ate all of his caffeine gum which prompted an emergency vet visit and a long sleepless night when I though my Sebastian was going to die.

10. On Thursday, October 17, Whitlark went home. On Friday, October 18, the first of Flashbang went home.

11. On Saturday (October 19), we had a "man-day" which involves rock climbing, burgers, shooting real guns, going to Total Recall at Mr. Pancake Theater, and then hitting Dirty 6th on a UT home football game night. It was crazy.

12. On Sunday, (October 20) Flashbang (3 left) and Dan Tabar went home. At this point we have two house guests.

13. Both Alec and Phil left on or a day before Tuesday, October 22. Because Jeff Lindsay arrived on Wednesday, October 23 for Fantastic Fest.

14. Fantastic Fest started on Thursday, October 24. We saw like 26 movies from 9/24 - 10/1. Jeff went home on 9/30.

15. Canabalt for the iPhone started releasing worldwide on 10/1 at 6 PM. That was midnight on 10/2, the official release date. Adam stays up all night getting emails, promotion codes, etc ready.

16. We road trip 16 hours to Phoenix on 10/2. My packing was horrible- except for the rafting trip. We had everything we needed for that, just not most of our toiletries, clothing, etc.

17. We roadtrip to Flagstaff on 10/3.

18. We arrive at the trip meeting place at 5 AM on 10/4. We go off-grid for 7 days as we raft 90 miles, from Lee's Ferry to the Bright Angel Trail, through the Grand Canyon which includes white water rafting. We hike out the Bright Angel Trail on 10/10 with 30 pound packs, up 5000 vertical feet over 7.5 miles. It takes all day.

19. We stay in the El Tovar hotel on the South Rim until Sunday, October 11th. We roadtrip back to Phoenix from the Grand Canyon.

20. We meet up with the indies at Tigjam which is being held at Flashbang on 10/11 in Tempe.

21. We hang out in Fountain Hills with Adam's mom until 10/14, when we leave late and roadtrip home 16 hours. On 10/13, Adam also does a radio show-thing in Phoenix.

22. We get home at 4 AM on 10/15. It was a rough drive home.

23. Our houseguests/house sitters were dealyed with their house closing, so we have house guests until this morning, which is 10/16.

And now we are home! Until Adam leaves me for London on the 26th.

This is the reason I haven't updated this blog since August 17th. Photos of the Grand Canyon trip forthcoming.

It's a Wrap

My foray into parenthood ended yesterday at 5 PM when we dropped Camden, Chan, and Asher off at the airport to fly home to Fresno. I didn't cry.

But I wanted to. I love that kid.



People have been asking me all summer how things are going. Are we able to handle his energy? Is he well behaved? How is it working from home and having a 6 year old running around like an idiot in the house? Is he expensive? Does he eat what you cook?

You know- it is all the questions you have been thinking.

The best one though is... "So Bekah, are you baby hungry yet?"


(This is Asher, my nephew, and Camden's little brother. He is 10 months old.)

The answer is no. But it isn't because Camden was such a handful- it has nothing to do with watching him all summer at all. I feel just the same about having a child of my own as I did before we took Camden for the summer. The sentiment is still the same- yes I would like kids of my own, but no I don't need to have one, like, tomorrow.

I loved hanging out at the pool, taking Cam to Sea World, teaching him how to ride a bike, taking him rock climbing, or to play in the fountains. It was fun playing video games with him, going to the library, reading books at night before bed. It was even fun cooking meals, grocery shopping for the truckloads of food he kiddo ate, and even, in those rare moments when he was being a pill, scolding him for being a total pain in the ass.



He is an amazing child and it was wonderful to have a playmate for 2 months. Not only did he learn how to swim, he learned how to swim underwater, without plugging his nose, in the deep end. And he is 6. He can dive to the bottom of the 8 foot deep end and fetch diving rings from the bottom of the pool. This is the kid who couldn't swim at all 8 weeks ago. He had to wear those arm floaties.

I am really going to miss having him here.